Bustling city,
Roaring and pretty,
The chaos passes me by.
Thrills with no ends,
Potential new friends,
But no, they don’t see me cry.
Gardens and flowers,
Bridges, high towers,
Apartments with too great a cost.
Mentors beside me,
Maps that may guide me,
And still, my soul feels lost.
We came for our futures,
For scrubs and for sutures,
for patients finding their way.
But these ivory walls,
these competitive halls,
My courage is still stuck at bay.
Waiting on saviors,
Sitting in failures,
No clue on how I'll survive.
The fears are still rippling,
Anxiety? Crippling!
Too long since I last felt alive.
They tell me to speak,
Too frightened, too meek.
My reputation is falling apart.
My teachers, my peers,
Would they care for my tears?
Would they care for what’s in my heart?
I’m living yet dying,
But I guess I’ll keep trying,
Marking and shaping my place.
To my patients I vow,
This will work out somehow,
But for now?
I’ll be lost in this space.