IM Tired

Myranda Gormley
2023

Every day is a learning opportunity.
Each patient.
Each diagnosis.
Each plan.
Grow, learn, absorb.
It is my only job as a student.

But I am tired.

Hello,
I am the medical student
On your care team.
How are you today?
Is there anything bothering you,
Besides me?

Tell me.
How do I respond
When the patient asks,
“what team?”

Do I say I don’t know
If I’m the first to visit
Or the second or third,
But I’m with those people
Who came in before.

I am tired

Of the patient-centered care
That is centered around
The computer monitor
And workflow forms.

See your patients
Alone
And learn to be
A doctor.

But also, please
Examine your patient
Exactly as taught
9 months prior
In a lecture hall.

I am tired

That my teachers recognize
We spend 20% of the time
At the bedside
And 80% online.

Present in SOAP format,
And don’t forget
All the things
No one told you
To ask.

And by the way,
Please study
And read
And grow
And learn
And absorb
And reflect
And I will see you
Saturday morning
At nine AM.

Someone,
Tell me,

How do I learn
To set aside the ache I feel
For the 27-year-old mother
Dying of cancer?

What do I say
To the 36-year-old man
Who has exhausted all treatments?

And to the 80-year-old
Who I know
Will not make it to 81?

I am tired

And frustrated
That I cannot make
My patients better.

I am tired

Of reflecting
On my limits
And my shortcomings.

Written by a tired clerkship student on their medicine rotation.